We Are Never Lost.

I was going to begin this with the words “I recently lost somebody very important”. But then it occurred to me that this is not true. We can never truly lose someone. Even in death they are always with us. They are forever a part of our hearts and minds. I was going to begin this with my sadness and my grief, so that you might understand how the despair creeps in sometimes like a blanket of smoke under a doorway, leaving me breathless and gasping. But that isn’t what I want to tell you at all. I don’t want to write about loss today. I don’t want to colour my joyful memories with grey skies or smog. I want to remember Gabe as he was and continues to be for me. A soft light always washing over me when I need it most. The warmth of the sun bathing my shoulders. Laughter in all its magnificence at its greatest peak. The best friend I have ever had. My soul brother.

In July, my greatest friend Gabe lost his battle with Lymes Disease. He may have left Earth but I feel him everywhere in all things beautiful and perfect. The large green dragonfly that sparkles and dips outside my studio window. I swear it grins at me as I sew. The way the sun caresses the tall trees in my yard just before sunset. The invisible hand that presses upon my shoulder to calm me when I feel a wave of sadness or despair bubble up out of nowhere. He is with me now and always will be. I know this to be true and it brings me immense solace and relief. His presence on Earth was so big. During my saddest moments, I ask myself how someone with so much life and vitality could leave so quickly never to return. I know this isn’t true though. He’s only just a step away, still watching over us and loving us all just as fiercely as before. He is the air, the black earth, the sand and the Sea. He is the strong rays of the sun and the brightest glow of the full moon. He rides on the backs of Dolphins and befriends the largest Sasquatches. I know without a doubt that my best friend Gabe is one with all that is and he is enjoying every joy that I experience as well as the joy of everyone who knew and loved him.

I hope that a piece of this or all of this will touch you in some way and give you solace as well if you have experienced the transition of a dear one. I keep wanting to say “lost” but I know it is just not true. We are never lost. We are here to experience the fullest most intense love possible for this short time and then we go on to share that fulfillment in another place. There is no end. There is only love. We are creatures created to experience the fullness of life. This is so clear to me now. My heart is open to the wonders of this world and every day I thank Gabe for contributing to this…for being my teacher and my soul brother. I know that he is flying across great mountain ranges and truly revelling in all of the pure abundant beauty that exists. My life has been enhanced by Gabe and I am the person I am today in part because of his friendship and love.

I love you to the moon and back Gaber. Always will.


Gabe Hogan with our dear friend Natasha

Gabe Hogan with our dear friend Natasha

Trista SmithComment